The lamb leg is a favorite choice of meat for many a Sunday
roast; it is easy to make it tender, although it can be a rather tasteless meat
and as a result can take little effort to make it a truly successful dish. I am
only cooking for two and am only using a half leg but this recipe can be used on
a larger joint
The censorship laws due to be brought in 2014 will mean
that you have to admit to watching porn and allow consistent monitoring of your browsing if you wish to look at or read any material that is deemed
inappropriate by somebody else. This person will be a member of parliament and
probably will disagree with you on the subject of what is good for you to read,
what is in your personal interest to know and what isn't.
Take a leek; slice and add chopped onions and good sized
pair of cloves of garlic; fry these until they begin to brown, releasing their
juices. Take the pan off the heat, and while your hot wet vegetables begin to
cool you can be preparing your meat. In front of the hard bone, heading towards
the center of the meat you will find a natural fatty flange. This can easily be
opened using the correct utensil. It is always a good idea to gently push your
fingers in to prepare the hole.
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| Meaty flange: Things not to Google. |
If you want to watch something unseemly then you have to
basically tell someone that you are looking at porn; because children might
watch things that are perfectly suitable for you, and funnily enough, are not
suitable for them) The word unseemly applies to a
great deal of things that I find entertaining: Family Guy, Battlestar
Gallactica, Archer and the History of Britain.
Put the string on the chopping board, spaced accordingly,
and then splay your meat out on top of it. The leeks and onions will now have cooled
and it is time for stuffing: the oil will lubricate the insertion and don’t
worry about stretching the meaty orifice, as the restraints, once applied, will
make sure everything stays tight enough.
It would be a more acceptable practice for people to ‘opt
in’ to internet monitoring; that way the opinion of a self proclaimed Christian
would not be guiding what you watch and read. There could be an ‘I do have
children and lack the capacity to operate windows’ option, this would immediately
bar you from reading anything about Pompeii ,
Julian Assange or fifty shades of grey.
 |
| Violated meat. |
It is now time to wrap up the joint; this will form a firm
yet yielding meaty mound with oily juices leaking from the opening. Pull the
ends of the string and tie in a simple knot; make sure the restraints are tight
enough to produce taught, bulging rounded embonpoints that are firm to the
touch. With a lubricant of your choice insert the meat into an oven (220
degrees for the first half an hour and then and then an extra half an hour per
900 grams on 160-80 for well done and 20 minutes per 900 grams for medium/rare.)
You can also take this
opportunity to put your spuds in.
The fact that someone who believes that Moses narrated he
own funeral in the first person, while describing himself as meek is summing up
acceptability is not the only risk that the new and bizarre alterations to the
internet will bring. A millionaire with no understanding of reality wishes to
bring to your information freedom the lack of anything 'violent', presumably
whether the violence is carried out by the British government or not. Anything
to do with ‘extremist related content’ which is pretty much anything one
chooses to disagree with strongly. ‘Suicide related websites’ are out, so
presumably so are the Samaritans. ‘Alcohol and smoking’ are taboo; I am fairly
certain that most websites on those topics refer to stopping these practices as
apposed to continuing them, the latter being easy to achieve without a great
deal of research. ‘Web forums’ are not good, although the ones I have read are
in fact about a variety of roasting times for differing meats and it sounds
very much like a ban on the exchange of information. Last but certainly not
least is ‘esoteric material’. Esoteric meaning: ‘adjective intended for or
likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized
knowledge or interest.’ (Oxford
Most things posted on the internet are aimed at a comparatively small group of people; be they brony, vegan, musician or train-spotter. This makes the final addition to Cameron’s list the most perturbing of all the frankly mental suggestions put forward so far.
 |
| Double entendre: Insert yours here. |
Most things posted on the internet are aimed at a comparatively small group of people; be they brony, vegan, musician or train-spotter. This makes the final addition to Cameron’s list the most perturbing of all the frankly mental suggestions put forward so far.
 |
| Indeed. |
I would display images of the finished dish, but for your
own protection I have decided to refrain; I fear that you would all become
rampantly aroused and start fucking each other like wild dogs.
Next week: I will show you how to jerk pork and finish it
off with some cheesy nut muffins.
