Wogan, wanking and please read the end bit. Otherwise it looks bad.

Children in need was awful, the images of suffering children and half arsed dancing soap opera actors performing like dogs on Britain’s got talent was exactly comparable to being sick to the point when you can vomit no more and there is nothing left but the vile taste of bile clinging to your tonsils and making you retch further despite the futility of the abdominal heaving and the wanting to die.

I apologise for the lack of punctuation but it all sort of came out at once.

These facts aside; there was no attempt to discourage people from having things in need; which one would imagine would be a far better thing to promote. There are too many grown ups and far too many of their squealing offspring. If contraception were more widespread at an earlier stage then Terry Wogan might not be on the television at all and certainly would not be on for three solid days like an inconvenient stool. If contraception were more widespread at an earlier stage then Terry Wogan might not exist at all. Many women would not be sick every morning and I would not have been sick on Friday night. Actually I would, but I am unable to honestly suggest that the two things were connected.

The compilation of this and the news that Christianity is apparently on the verge of extinction came as a

It didn't have to come to this. 

shock. I began to imagine fleetingly that Warsi had an orifice toggle option as to the origin of her speech and her settings may be, ever so slightly, awry.

This is based around the fact that there are 2.13 billion Christians in the world, roughly, not including the ones that are unsure, which is more than there are ocelots. Which is a shame. Besides, Christians are only becoming extinct in ‘some places’; if you are extinct in some places then you are not extinct, you are merely absent. There are no crayfish in my pockets, and yet none the less, in the canal twenty yards away they continue to exist.

 My favorite bit, the tiny little hornet in the jockstrap, is the statement; ‘There isn’t an intrinsic clash between different faiths....’ I may have reason to question these sources; the Koran and the Bible, and the basis of both of them, the Torah, do imply a slight ambivalence towards those who suffer from a differing form of madness. As we are able to tell by current affairs, and an unimaginable amount of previous ones.

Obviously in Kosovo where 200, 000 Muslims were killed by Christians was over the album ‘Automatic for the people’ by REM; Muslims had flocked to buy ‘Waking up the neighbours’ by Bryan Adams the year before and felt it was the best album released in that financial year and that the song ‘Night swimming’, an

obvious filler track, was a load of pretentious shit. We all know the outcome.

Look at the happy elves dancing on my pointless head. 

In affiliation with this; Palestine is entirely orientated around a drunken brawl based on the sexuality of Cliff Richard and the crusades was an argument about jam.

Three days of television about the suffering of children without once mentioning the remedy and news that believers in the Old Testament do, in fact, like each other, and everyone else should help them get on. Despite the elementary fact that all of these believers are aiming at death as it is, in fact, a sort of promotion. All Christians, Muslims and Jews are going somewhere better, in this context genocide can be seen as being helpful and should be accepted with the good grace with which it was given.

 

There has been a long history of positive religious
interaction. 

Until contraception is realized as a solution to the global problems that we face then the only way we can possibly hope to feed the planet and maintain a consumable water supply is if these psychotic murdering idiots continue to murder each other for no apparent reason. We should give them all a hammer each and herd them into stadiums to get it out of their systems.    

The real problem is that last bit isn’t true; because they are not going somewhere better, they are merely being killed. All they become is a dead apes; until we realize this and control the amount of apes that need feeding then our problems as living apes are far from over.

If you are in danger of conceiving there are numerous helplines that will help you to masturbate. In the long term contraception can be acquired entirely for free from your G.P. Absolutely no religion sees this as a solution.